Courage Found at a Convenience Store
The story of how I made a confident move at a local gas station.
This past April I took a solo road trip to another Wisconsin city about 3 hours away. I left home, stopped to fill up with gas, and grab a free coffee I earned with my Kwik Trip rewards. (iykyk)
I decided on a chai latte because it was something new, and I wanted a special start to this trip taken solely for me. I made my choice known to the machine, and as the liquid started filling the cup I realized I had made a mistake.
I was now looking at the screen which was directing me to put the chai tea bag in the cup before I pressed the start button. With a bit of anxiety now, I searched for the tea to see if I could quickly get it in there before it was too late. I came upon some black tea, but no chai.
As I watched the cup fill to the top with essentially hot, watered down milk, I noticed old mental programming kick in.
I’ve learned that I have a tendency for “flight” when faced with an uncomfortable situation. Especially when it has to do with me messing up somehow. If I make a mistake, I just want to get out quickly, and without getting anyone else involved to witness my error. (I now recognize this as perfectionism.)
In this scenario, I couldn’t just walk away, because I would at least have to take my cup and make the evidence disappear. So I just stared at it blankly while it finished filling up.
Once complete, my past habits kicked in right away. Feeling totally embarrassed, I took my cup and placed a lid on it. With it covered, I could take it up to the cashier, redeem my reward, and be on my way. The hot milk-water would stay in the cupholder of my car until I decided to make another stop, and taunt me the whole way.
As the lid was fully sealed with the final click, something else clicked in my brain:
This is just a small mistake, and it doesn’t make me a lesser human. I deserve the coffee I came for. I love myself enough to risk the discomfort of admitting my error and asking for help.
With that in mind, I removed the lid and walked up to the cashier who was speaking to her coworker. I explained what happened, and of course they were totally cool about it!
One of the women led me back to the machine right away while saying: “Dump that one out, honey. It’ll be terrible. Let’s start over.”
She grabbed me the chai tea bag I needed, then told me where to find them for next time. I thanked her for the help, made my latte correctly, and redeemed my reward for a drink I wouldn’t have to dump out later on.
Most importantly, I didn’t die of embarrassment like my brain thought I would! How ‘bout that?
As I settled into the first stretch of the drive, I reflected on what just happened. I recognized and acknowledged the difference between how this went down compared to how it would have in the past.
I thought…this is what confidence looks like for me.
It was such a small moment, but the awareness and reflection of what went down is what will create a significant impact on how I continue to stand up for myself in the future.
Events like this will continue to present themselves. Of that I can be sure. I may even fall back into the old patterns sometimes, but continuing to be aware of this habit will help me grow a little more each time.
Are there areas of your life where an extra boost of confidence would help you create new behavior patterns?
If you’re a journaler, it might be a good idea to look at a time in the past where you could have made a stronger decision for yourself. Observe it without negative judgment of how you did handle it, and rewrite the story. If you would’ve been more confident and stood up for what you deserved, what would have been the result?
Doing this exercise will help you create new neural pathways moving forward, and as you make more decisions from a place of self-worth, it will become more second nature. It takes intentional focus in the beginning, but it’s worth the ease you’ll discover later on.
Originally published at https://www.jillvh.com on April 30, 2022.
